No one can answer that question but you, and there's a lot to consider. Your decision will include a lot of planning and effort on your part, such as when to stop using birth control, how much time to take off work, and figuring out if you can still afford childcare.
Some say it's even harder than deciding whether to have a first child – because you're not just talking about having a baby, you're talking about changing a family.
With each new child, you have to think about how that baby will affect your lifestyle, finances, work, relationships, and, of course, your other kids. And if you listen to the word on the street, growing your family by one could more than double the work for you.
Of course, just about everyone – from doctors and scientists to your friends and neighbors – has an opinion on perfect baby timing and the perfect family size. Weigh the pros and cons and then make your own decision.
Here are some things to consider before you welcome a new baby into your life.
When is the best time to have another?
Some favor waiting several years or longer. That way, your other kids will have plenty of time with you and can understand and even talk about the effect another child might have. Others say that having your children close together ensures they'll be playmates for life – and that you won't be raising small children for the rest of your life.Here's what some BabyCenter moms have to say:
- "My two boys are three and a half years apart, and I think that spacing is great," says Susan, an executive at a publishing company. "Since my older son was out of diapers by the time the younger one was born, I could fall in love with the idea of having a baby again. And they're clearly in different social and developmental arenas, so I don't see a lot of sibling rivalry. They really enjoy each other."
- My three oldest children are about a year and a half apart, and though it was tough when they were all babies, in many ways it was great," says Barbara, a geriatric therapist. "They really amused each other and have stayed very close. I'm one of four children myself and I really wanted to re-create that big family feeling."
- "My first two are three and a half years apart. That gave me time with the firstborn alone," says Janet, an advertising copywriter who is pregnant with her third child. "I think the older the child, the better, because they're that much more independent and can mentally and emotionally handle the baby. In some ways I wish there was a bigger age gap between my second child and the new baby – they're only two years apart. I'm dreading having two in diapers at the same time. And I'm worried about the physical challenge of having two who need so much time."
What does the research say?
In terms of the children's relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, Jeannie Kidwell, a professor of family studies at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, says the best time is either when your first is under 1 year old or over 4 years old. Children under 1 don't have a sense of their exclusive status yet so they're less apt to resent a newcomer, she says, and those over 4 have had time to enjoy attention from Mommy and Daddy – plus, they now have a life of their own.When it comes to the health of your baby, waiting two or three years before you get pregnant again may tip the odds somewhat in your baby's favor.
Studies have found that getting pregnant within a year and a half of the birth of your first child can make it more likely that your second child will be born early, will be born underweight, or will be smaller than usual for the number of months he was in the womb.
One study of second children born over a ten-year period in California found that babies were three times more likely to be diagnosed with autism if the mom got pregnant within a year of giving birth to the first child. The risk of autism dropped quite a bit after that first year, though the odds remained a little higher for babies who were conceived less than three years after the baby's older sibling was born. (Autism affects about 1 in 180 U.S. children, and most experts agree the risks are associated with genes.)
So waiting longer is the way to go, right? The answer is maybe.
It turns out that waiting more than five years to have your second child is less than ideal, too. Some studies show that low birth weight, preterm birth, and smaller size are more likely in babies whose moms let five years or more pass before they get pregnant.
If all this sounds confusing, let's put it in perspective. Researchers don't know for sure why waiting only a short time – or more than five years – between pregnancies raises certain risks, but they have some ideas.
One is that the mother's body needs time to replenish vitamins and nutrients before giving birth again. So whether you're pregnant, plan to become pregnant, or want to wait, see your doctor early to get the right care and advice, eat a balanced diet, and keep your body as healthy as you can.
What else should I consider when making the decision?
Science doesn't dictate all the choices we make, of course, especially the ones that involve love and desire. So here are some other issues to take into account:How will another child change your lifestyle?
Are you settled into a nice routine with your other children? Do you have a good childcare system set up? Is everyone else finally sleeping through the night? Perhaps you've gotten to the point where you and your partner have time for each other again. Maybe you've gone back to work and you love it.
These are all important factors when you're thinking of having another. Remember, a newborn will take over your life. Consider whether you have the time and energy an infant requires, and whether your children are ready to deal with the reality of a baby in the house. You may end up deciding that one is enough.
What's your financial situation?
Money isn't everything, but it certainly comes in handy when you're raising a family. Given that each child can cost more than $10,000 a year to feed, clothe, house, and keep healthy, according to the latest government estimates (and that's a conservative number for many parts of the country), it's a good idea to have a little extra in your monthly budget before you conceive another child.
It's important to consider your work situation, too. Many women find it harder to keep up with full- or part-time work once the second or third child comes along. Can you afford to quit work if that seems best or to pay for the new baby's childcare if you keep your job?
"My daughter is almost 4, and we haven't had another yet because we're worried about affording everything," says Stephanie, a college lecturer. "We didn't have much money when we had our first, so we know what it's like not to have the resources to pay for things. That's why we want to be better prepared for the next one. Money is a huge consideration because of childcare costs. The other big thing is career. I stayed with my daughter her whole first year. I would like to do that with the second child, too. We want another – we're just not sure when. It already feels a little late to me."
How old are you?
Unfortunately, parental age matters, especially for women. If you're 38 and you want two more children, you probably don't have the luxury of spacing them three years apart. But if you're under 30 and don't have any health problems that could make conception difficult, you can be a little more flexible. (Learn more about your chances of getting pregnant at different ages.)
Talk about the age question with your partner: Many people have a vision of how old they want to be when they're finished having children.
Do you and your partner agree?
Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn't. It's hard to be in sync all the time. This can be a tricky one to settle, but the first step is to start talking about your differences.
Sit down together and discuss your points of view. You may not resolve anything right away, but you'll have a better understanding of the issues. It might help to talk to others in this situation, too.
What does your heart say?
Sure, you can sit down with a big legal pad and run through the pluses and minuses. But this is one of those decisions that's led by the heart, so go ahead and follow yours. If you want another baby, and your partner (if you have one) does too, there may be no time like the present.
