You Are So Glad You’re Not These 15 Ridiculously Drunk People

Most of us, at one time or another in our lives, have probably experienced being incredibly drunk. The kind of drunk where we either don’t remember a thing the next day, or what we do remember makes us want to dig a hole in the ground and stick our head in it. Maybe some of us have walked that walk of shame home the next morning, or some of us have wondered how we got that particular bruise and why our left ear feels funny. But hopefully none of us have experienced what these 15 idiots have.

Oh we wish so much we could see the look on this guy’s face when he comes to, stumbles into the bathroom to drain the 38 beers he had the night before, and he glances in the mirror to find that he looks like a bridge overpass. Some pretty talented friends he has and we like that someone Sharpied his fingernails as well. Nice touch

 Well, we’re certain when this guy comes to he’s going to say, “What’s that weird taste in my mouth?” Were there no toilets available to puke in? I guess toilets are really no better than urinals, after all, people’s a**es have touched toilets. We hope his Adam’s apple survived this position.


Beats a chalk outline any day. We wonder how long this guy held this position? That’s the thing about passing out cold – you don’t generally move for hours on end. We also wonder how many people consumed all of those beers? And don’t we spy some yet-to-be-opened cases?
 

He took Lays to a whole new level. How long was he out and was it a 24 hour store or did they have to try and wake his a** and get him to leave? That would kind of be like waking a hungry and angry bear. We wouldn’t want to have to be the unlucky one to do it. If he sleeps long enough maybe he’ll drop a few pounds.

Not sure which is worse, coming to and fining out you have been covered head to toe with Sharpie ink, or coming to and finding you have been wrapped in a tight cocoon of duct tape. Either way, getting it off of you is going to really suck. We can’t tell what this guy is holding on to, is that a tambourine? A ukulele? And how long did it take his “friends” to tape him up like this?

This photo is somewhat disturbing because this poor guy looks not unlike a burn victim. Another case of drunk friends with Sharpies in hand. We see that those are cigarettes shoved up his nose and in his mouth (nice touch there) but is that like a doll’s leg sticking out of his mouth as well? Also, nice abstract work with the chips. Too bad that drunk fat guy isn’t here, he had a hankerin’ for chips.

Another lovely piece if artwork and quite the balancing act. More cigarettes (seems to be a theme) but this time arranged delicately around the collarbone. Is that another chip in his eye or a wedge of lemon? God, we hope a chip.We can’t quite make out what is balancing on his nose, though. Any ideas?
 

This is the shot that makes her whole family so very, very proud. In fact, we’re pretty sure this image is going up on the fridge if it doesn’t make it into the Christmas newsletter first. Couldn’t her friend, who seems to be laughing and hiding her own embarrassment, try and close her legs for her?

Is this the Easter Bunny taking a siesta or a really drunk got who was punk’d by his friends. Major points to the creativity expressed here. I mean anyone can take a Sharpie or a magic marker and scribble all over a friend, but it takes someone special to use mustard for eyebrows.
 

The look on the bronze woman’s face seems to say, “Another guy who fell asleep on me back there.” Maybe he didn’t pass out he’s just remember what move comes next? And what’s with the monk, what’s he praying for? That he may be allowed to do a keg stand just once?
 

You’ve heard of the walking dead, meet the dancing dead. This is honestly and in all seriousness one of the funniest images we have ever seen. These women are an Absolute mess. That was our homage to Absolute vodka. We do have to wonder where did they wake up the next morning?

We’ve all been here right, when you’re really, really, really drunk and all you want to do is find a nice comfy place to lay down just for a little bit. And nothing screams cozy nap more than a payphone. Unless this image was taken in the 1990s, where did the girl even find a payphone? And is that her own cell phone on the shelf behind her feet?

Absolutely genius. Who came up with this idea? Not only is the idea to shave this guy’s head to make it look like a face brilliant, but so is the execution of said idea. A true artist’s work we are looking at here, and, there’s no mustard or marker to wash off, just wait a few months and the hair has grown back in. Voila!

This guy really decided he wanted to get comfortable before he passed out cold. Adorable that he kept just the one sock on, or maybe he blacked out before he could get it off. We wonder at what time will he awaken and how many more people will be staring at him? And will he accidentally relieve himself in the conductor’s closet?

We cannot even begin to image just how this woman fell off the toilet and landed in this particular position. Or did she never get on the thing to begin with? She may have suddenly forgotten it was a toilet and tried to mount it like a bicycle and then the 6 Sex on the Beaches kicked in.

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This woman penned down her own obituary

Emily Philips, of Orange Park, Florida, died on March 25, but managed to write a moving 1,045 word reflection on her life, in which she remembered some of the most significant milestones just before losing the battle with pancreatic cancer

 

A retired teacher penned her own touching obituary shortly before she died from pancreatic cancer.

Emily Philips, of Orange Park, Florida, died on March 25, but managed to write a moving 1,045 word reflection on her life, in which she remembered some of the most significant milestones.

The Obituary

It pains me to admit it, but apparently, I have passed away. Everyone told me it would happen one day but that’s simply not something I wanted to hear, much less experience. Once again I didn’t get things my way! That’s been the story of my life all my life.

And while on that subject (the story of my life)…on February 9, 1946 my parents and older sister celebrated my birth and I was introduced to all as Emily DeBrayda Fisher, the daughter of Clyde and Mary Fisher from Hazelwood. I can’t believe that happened in the first half of the last century but there are records on file in the Court House which can corroborate this claim.

Just two years later when another baby girl was born, I became known as the middle sister of the infamous three Fisher Girls, and the world was changed forever.

As a child I walked to the old Hazelwood Elementary School where teachers like Mrs. McCracken, Mrs. Davis and Mrs. Moody planted the seed that eventually led me to becoming a teacher. I proudly started my teaching career at that same elementary school in January 1968, and from there I went on to teach young children in the neighboring states of Virginia, Georgia, as well as Florida where I retired after 25 years.

So many things in my life seemed of little significance at the time they happened but then took on a greater importance as I got older. The memories I’m taking with me now are so precious and have more value than all the gold and silver in my jewelry box.

Memories…where do I begin? Well, I remember Mother wearing an apron; I remember Daddy calling Square Dances; I remember my older sister pushing me off my tricycle (on the cinder driveway); I remember my younger sister sleep walking out of the house; I remember grandmother Nonnie who sewed exquisite dresses for me when I was little; I remember grandmother Mamateate wringing a chicken’s neck so we could have Sunday dinner.

I remember being the bride in our Tom Thumb Wedding in first grade and performing skits for the 4-H Club later in grade five. I remember cutting small rosebuds still wet with dew to wear to school on spring mornings, and I remember the smell of newly mowed grass. I remember the thrill of leading our high school band down King Street in New Orleans for Mardi Gras (I was head majorette). I remember representing Waynesville in the Miss North Carolina Pageant, and yes, I twirled my baton to the tune of “Dixie”. It could have been no other way.

I married the man of my dreams (tall, dark, and handsome) on December 16, 1967 and from that day on I was proud to be Mrs. Charlie Phillips, Grand Diva Of All Things Domestic. Our plan was to have two children, a girl and a boy. Inexplicably we were successful in doing exactly that when we were blessed with our daughter Bonnie and then later our son Scott. Seeing these two grow into who they were supposed to be brought a wonderful sense of meaning to our lives.

This might be a good time to mend fences.
I apologize for making sweet Bonnie wear No Frills jeans when she was little and for “red-shirting” Scott in kindergarten. Apparently each of these things was humiliating to them but both were able to rise above their shame and become very successful adults. I’d also like to apologize to Mary Ann for tearing up her paper dolls and to Betsy for dating a guy she had a crush on.

Just when I thought I was too old to fall in love again, I became a grandmother, and my five grand-angels stole not only my heart, but also spent most of my money.
Sydney Elizabeth, Jacob McKay, and Emma Grace (all Uprights) have enriched my life more than words can say. Sydney’s “one more, no more” when she asked for a cookie; Jake saying he was “sick as a cat” when I’d said that someone else was sick as a dog; and Emma cutting her beautiful long hair and then proceeding to shave off one of her eyebrows…Yes, these are a few of my favorite things. They’re treasures that are irreplaceable and will go with me wherever my journey takes me.

I’ve always maintained that my greatest treasures call me Nana. That’s not exactly true. You see, the youngest of my grand-angels, William Fisher Phillips and Charlie Jackson Phillips call me “Nana Banana”. (Thank you Chris and Scott for having such spunky children.) These two are also apt to insist that I “get their hiney” whenever I visit, and since I’m quite skilled in that area , I’ve always been able to oblige. (I actually hold the World’s Record for “Hiney Getting,” a title that I wear with pride.)

Speaking of titles…I’ve held a few in my day. I’ve been a devoted daughter, an energetic teenager, a WCU graduate (summa cum laude), a loving wife, a comforting mother, a dedicated teacher, a true and loyal friend, and a spoiling grandmother. And if you don’t believe it, just ask me. Oh wait, I’m afraid it’s too late for questions. Sorry.

So…I was born; I blinked; and it was over. No buildings named after me; no monuments erected in my honor.
But I DID have the chance to know and love each and every friend as well as all my family members. How much more blessed can a person be?
So in the end, remember…do your best, follow your arrow, and make something amazing out of your life. Oh, and never stop smiling.

If you want to, you can look for me in the evening sunset or with the earliest spring daffodils or amongst the flitting and fluttering butterflies. You know I’ll be there in one form or another. Of course that will probably comfort some while antagonizing others, but you know me…it’s what I do.

I’ll leave you with this…please don’t cry because I’m gone; instead be happy that I was here. (Or maybe you can cry a little bit. After all, I have passed away).
Today I am happy and I am dancing. Probably naked.
Love you forever.

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Asha Gangali goes 'celibate' after release of new song

“The decision to be celibate is a strategy to

Roc Da Mic Africa Boss, Asha Gangali plans to abstain from sex for 40 days after the release of his new song “Nigerian Girls” which will be released worldwide on his birthday. The showbiz mogul says “the decision to be celibate is a strategy to communicate the core message of the song” therefore , starting from his birthday on April 4th 2015, which was celebrated exclusively at Planet One Hotel & Entertainment, the journey of celibacy begins for the 'Nike' and “Dami” crooner1.

The question is, how is it our business if he chooses to go "celibate for 40 days" or go a girlhunt?

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Man arrested for murder over girlfriend dispute

According to Daniel, the victim's younger brother, he said his brother became friends with the lady in question after he mistakenly dialed her number. He said they were never dating

 

Monday Ekwekuba, 38, has been arrested by the Lagos state Police command for killing 26-year-old student, Wisdom Okafor in Ojokoro, Lagos, following a disagreement over the victim's closeness to his girlfriend.

Punch reports that the suspect Ekwekuba had visited his girlfriend on March 22nd and met Wisdom in her house. He accused the deceased of having an affair with his girlfriend and out of anger, picked up a stick and smashed it on Wisdom's head who took to his heels but unfortunately ran into a moving vehicle where he was crushed to death.

According to Daniel, the victim's younger brother, he said his brother became friends with the lady in question after he mistakenly dialed her number. He said they were never dating.

“It was after he mistakenly dialled her phone number and they spoke that she invited him to her apartment and that was how they met. He later saw her in a nylon company where he was working to raise money for his exams. She was also working there. She was older than my brother and there was no way they could be dating,” he added.

Also speaking on the incident, his elder brother, Celestine said, "On Sunday, March 22, around 10.30pm, the police came with a lady to my house and asked for my brother. They said he was involved in a fight and had injured a man named Monday (Ekwekuba), who had been hospitalized.  I told them my brother went out to see a friend and had yet to return to the house. They said they would arrest me until I was able to produce my brother. I was detained and later they asked me to pay N10, 000 for Monday’s treatment, which I did. They then asked how I would produce my brother, and I decided to call him in their presence. His phone started ringing in the pocket of one of the policemen. The officer said the phone belonged to the man in the hospital, who had just died.

”Police reports say the girl in question later confessed that her boyfriend pursued the victim to his death. The suspect went into hiding after the incident but was later arrested. Celestine has made a plea to the police to release his brother's body for burial

“Our mother is late and our father is in the village in Enugu. He is sick, and I cannot inform him of the death of our brother because I don’t know what can happen to him.

 My job has been at a standstill and they should please release the corpse to us so I can go and bury him and move on" he said. The police however say they would release his body after they receive the autopsy result on his corpse.

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