Homemade Pregnancy Test Ideas for Accurate Results

10 Homemade Pregnancy Test Ideas for Accurate Results

A pregnancy starts the journey of transformations, both physical and mental. While the pregnancy may be a very stressful period for you, you can make it the most memorable time of your life by planning it well.

The most important part of the pregnancy is homemade pregnancy test, and then of course, coming on terms with it. Most of the times the pregnancy is news most welcomed, but certain pregnancies can be unplanned and throw you completely off your balance.
While there are many affirmed medical procedures to confirm your pregnancy, you can check your pregnancy by using free pregnancy test procedures at the comfort of your home. There are some unique alternative ways of doing the pregnancy tests at home. Intrigued by this idea?
Let’s read on to know about some homemade pregnancy tests which will help you determine the pregnancy.
A procedure to detect and confirm pregnancy using pregnancy strips was developed by Margaret Crane in 1968. Millions of women today use the test to confirm their pregnancies. Though the pregnancy strip is easily available at the chemists, a good gynaecologist would always recommend a blood test to confirm the pregnancy.
But before you raise your hopes, celebrate and rush to a gynaecologist, here are a few pregnancy tests that you can make and perform at home, using simple ingredients found in your kitchen.

Credit: pregnancyresourcesclemson

Homemade Pregnancy Test

• Dandelion Leaves

As an early pregnancy test, Dandelion leaves can be effectively used to confirm the pregnancy. Cut a few Dandelion leaves and place them in a plastic container. Make sure it does not come in contact with direct sunlight after this. Drink plenty of water before you are ready for the test.
Once, you feel a full bladder; urinate on the leaves till they get completely submerged in the urine. Check after ten minutes and if there are red bumps on the leaves, you are pregnant.

• Pine Sol

Here’s another free pregnancy test using a home made solution. To make it easy for you to understand, let me tell you, Pine Sol is basically a housing cleaning agent containing Pine Oil. Most of the people have Pine Sol at home for cleansing and various other uses.
Now, mix your fresh urine with Pine Sol solution, wait for a few seconds/minutes and see for any colour changes. If the mixture changes colour, you are soon going to be a mother.

• Using Bleach

Bleach pregnancy test is one of the most effective homemade Pregnancy test that I have personally used it during my college time. Simply mix bleach and urine in a plastic cup. If this mixture starts foaming, then motherhood has embraced you!
Share the good news with your loved ones and celebrate. Do carry out this test outdoors because the fumes released from bleach pregnancy test can make it too stuffy for you to breathe inside the bathroom.
If you find it difficult to do this outdoors, fill a jar with with your fresh urine separately and take the jar outside. Proceed with the above process then.

• Toothpaste Test

Homemade pregnancy test with toothpaste is probably the easiest method according to me because the materials you will require are right in front of you, probably, if you are reading this in your bathroom.
Ever wondered how toothpaste can be used for confirming a pregnancy? As an early pregnancy test, any white toothpaste can be used for this test. Mix a spoon full of white toothpaste and urine in a plastic container to make your own pregnancy test.
If the tooth paste turns blue, then you are soon going to feel the baby moving inside you. That deserves a big smile, or a cause for worry, if it is unwanted?

• Vinegar Solution

Take some vinegar in a plastic cup and mix it with your fresh urine. This is another easy homemade pregnancy test with vinegar. There might be some bubbling, and you should not bother about it. If the colour of liquid changes from its original colour when you mixed, it means that you should expect a baby. A perfect free pregnancy test, this homemade pregnancy test with vinegar has been in use since the ancient times when there were no traces of medical technology.

• Soap Water

If you are not having bleaching powder at the moment, you can use soap water to test pregnancy as well. It is not as effective as bleach, but can definitely be given a try.
Take your first morning sample of urine in a bowl and mix the lather of soap foam in it. If the solution bubbles up, you maybe pregnant. The only reason I have used “may be” in this test is because not many have found this to be very accurate but it is worth the try for an instant curiousness.

• Sugar Test

This homemade pregnancy test with sugar is best tried with the first urine of the day. In a bowl, add two to three spoons of sugar (the small crystals, not powder) and urinate on it. If it does not dissolve and forms clumps, then, you can confirm your pregnancy.
This is another easy and free method to test pregnancy at home. Also, this method has proved to be 97.6% accurate, so I would suggest you pretty ladies to try a couple more methods from rest of the list of verify it.

homemade pregnancy test with sugar

• Mustard Powder

This early homemade pregnancy test is also very effective in ascertaining pregnancy. If you have skipped your periods and are suspecting a pregnancy, fill a bath tub with hot water and add freshly ground mustard powder to it. Now soak yourself in it for half an hour or so. Take a plain water shower after this.
Now, if you get your periods in a day or two, then your period may have been delayed by other reasons and you should see a good doctor for that. But if there is still no sign of your periods, then chances are that you are pregnant and should be preparing for this new phase of your life.

• Tuna Juice and Vinegar

Make your own pregnancy test with Tuna juice and Vinegar.
Mix ¼ Cup of Tuna Juice to ¼ cup of Vinegar in a plastic cup. Now urinate in a separate cup and add this fresh urine to this mixture. Wait for a few minutes till the colour starts changing (you should hope it doesn’t if it is unwanted pregnancy).
If the colour has changed to an orange-yellowish hue, then the test is negative. But if hints of green appear and the mixture takes a greenish tinge, then the pregnancy is confirmed. This is an easy and early homemade pregnancy test that is very effective and accurate.

• Urine Itself

Collect your urine in a jar or a bottle. Make sure the bottle is resting on a flat surface and do not touch or shake it at all. After 24 hours, if you a see a thin white layer on the surface of your urine, the test is positive and confirms your pregnancy. If nothing shows up on the top layer of your urine, the test is negative and you are not pregnant.
This is the third most easiest test of all the above I have mentioned. You require no extra materials or ingredients, just the patience of 24, curious hours.
How to increase the accuracy of the homemade pregnancy tests

• Always prefer to use the morning sample of the urine as the tester because it is less diluted. The more concentrated the urine, the better the results.
• Be careful while using products like vinegar and bleach. The strong stench of these ingredients may cause suffocation. You should always carry out these tests in the open.
• Though these free pregnancy tests have been used for over the ages, do not rely on them alone. The positive indicator of these homemade pregnancy tests is just a notion that you can confidently see a doctor now.
• Whichever method you choose , make sure that you try it over a flat surface and don’t shake the samples in any homemade pregnancy tests that you would choose.
• Use plastic containers only.
• Dispose the plastic containers or jars that you may have used immediately after the completion of the test.

Over to You

Pregnancy is a blessing and there is nothing that gives a woman more joy than motherhood. Equip yourself and ascertain the pregnancy with simple ingredients from your kitchen without having to worry about any medical bills and consultation fees of the doctors.
With the confirmation of the pregnancy starts the journey of your motherhood, it is a state of mind and body which needs extreme caution, love and care. Pregnancy can totally stress you out and drain you of energy. Taking good care of your self is of prime importance. Whether it is healthy nutrition, or adequate rest, your health needs to be administered.
If you need homemade pregnancy test in hindi, please mail us using the contact form and we would be happy to help you in that language.
In cases of unplanned pregnancy, although there are many alternatives to terminate the pregnancies, but motherhood is definitely a divine gift and all decisions need to be weighed upon carefully. Instead of abortion and killing the foetus, you can give birth to the baby and ask other non-conceivable couples to adopt the baby.

Read More

9 Home Remedies For A Successful Pregnancy Test

The moment you realize you are going to become a mother is a milestone in your life, and in every woman’s life out there. Getting pregnant is considered as a direct blessing from God who is said to elevate you to his position for a period of 10 months where you create a life, protect it, nourish it, care for it and then finally bring it out into the world amidst tears of joy!

Every woman would want to find out about her pregnancy herself rather than getting it checked out by a doctor first. Although there are home pregnancy kits that can serve the purpose, certain other home remedies can also act as pregnancy indicators. So if you are one of those ladies who wish to confirm your pregnancy at home itself, here are some excellent remedies that can help you out.

Home Remedies To Find Out If You Are Pregnant

The Collected Urine Approach

Some women swear by this home remedy to confirm if you are pregnant or not. Collect your urine in a bottle or vessel and leave it untouched for about 3-4 hours. If by this time, a white film forms on the surface of the urine, chances are you may be pregnant. If the urine remains clear after this period, you can know that you are not pregnant.

The Toothpaste Test

Another way to find out if you are pregnant or not would be to add a few drops of your urine (the first sample in the morning) to white toothpaste.



If after some time, the toothpaste becomes frothy or changes blue in color, chances are you may be pregnant. If there is no  change, well, better luck next time!

The Mustard Powder Approach

What better way to check if you are pregnant than turning on your body heat to full blast and seeing if your periods start? Mustard powder is an excellent remedy for delayed or skipped periods and can effectively indicate whether you are pregnant or are just experiencing an irregularity in your otherwise normal menstrual cycle.


All you need to do is to fill a bathtub with hot water and mix two cups of fresh mustard powder in it. Soak in the bath for a good 20 minutes and shower in warm water afterwards. If your periods were delayed due to other reasons, you would get them in a day or two. A week or two after this remedy with no periods can indicate a positive pregnancy.

The Bleach Indicator Approach

One of the best home remedies to confirm a pregnancy involves the use of bleach. The test is really simple. Collect the first urine of the day and add some bleaching powder to it. If the urine starts fizzing and foaming, the chances of you being pregnant are pretty high. Of course, you know what the result is if nothing happens when you add the bleach to the urine. Tough luck!

The Soap Water Test

If you can’t seem to get hold of some bleaching powder to confirm your pregnancy, try opting for a simple soap solution. Although not as effective as bleaching powder in predicting a pregnancy, a concentrated soap solution can act as a suitable alternative in order to at least indicate the possibility of you being pregnant or not.

You can use any soap for this test. Collect your urine (preferably the first sample in the morning) in a small bottle or test tube. Mix the lather of a soap solution with the urine and see if it bubbles up. If it does, you may be pregnant. The reason we say that you ‘may’ be pregnant is because not many people claim to have got correct results using soap solutions. Nevertheless, it’s worth a try right?

The Dandelion Leaf Test

Dandelion leaves usually react to the changed hormone levels in the urine (in case you are pregnant). Grab a few fresh dandelion leaves and spread them on a sheet of paper. Make sure you keep them away from the sunlight as this could interfere with the results.

Urinate over the leaves the first thing in the morning. Alternatively, you can collect your urine in a bowl and soak the dandelion leaves in it. If you are pregnant, the leaves would start changing color and develop reddish blisters in less than 10 minutes. So if you see this happening, you can be rest assured that you are pregnant.

The Peroxide And Tylenol Test

Another test that would give you visible proof of your pregnancy, the ‘Peroxide and Tylenol Test’ involves collecting your urine in a bowl first thing in the morning and then adding these substances to it. If the resultant solution turns blue in color, your pregnancy in confirmed. No change of color will signify otherwise.

The Vinegar And Tuna Juice Test

It may smell horrible. But it can effectively point out whether you are pregnant or not!
Get ¼ cup of tuna juice and the same amount of vinegar. Combine the two liquids and leave the resultant solution in room temperature overnight. Collect your urine the first thing in the morning and add the Vinegar and Tuna juice solution to it.

If the resultant solution turns bright green in color, the chances of you being pregnant are pretty high. If the solution turns orange or yellow in color instead, it may indicate that you are not pregnant.

The Pine Sol Test

A common cleansing agent, Pine Sol is easily available in provision stores and markets. It can also act as a good indicator of pregnancy.
Collect your first urine sample in the morning and transfer it into a soap free test tube or container. Add some Pine Sol solution to the urine and wait for about 10 minutes. If the resultant solution changes color, it could indicate a possible pregnancy.

You don’t need to expect a specific color change. All that needs to be noted is a change from the base color. If the solution remains clear or does not change any color after 10 minutes though, you may not be pregnant.

Even though these homemade tests would help you confirm a pregnancy, they may provide incorrect results at times. So always make it a point to follow up with a home pregnancy kit which you can get at a local drugstore for more accurate results.

Read More

Choosing your baby's sex: The folk wisdom

If you want your baby to be a boy, should you eat more red meat? To get a girl, should you treat yourself to chocolate? Or make love under a full moon?
Everyone's heard at least one of these stories, and we all know they're just urban myths, but what if, by chance, one of these methods actually works? Couples who'd give anything for a daughter or a son may want to give one or two of them a shot (heck, it can't hurt, right?).
We've collected some of our favorite folklore about how to make a boy or girl. Share your ideas in the comment box at the bottom of the page — especially anything that has worked for you.
(A caveat: Those of you who are truly serious about sex selection should be sure to see our article on what the scientists say. Also, don't forget to take our quiz on the myths and realities of baby-making to find out what can really help you conceive.)

Your child is what you eat

According to folk wisdom, what you put in your body before conceiving may affect what comes out nine months later.
If you want a boy...

• Eat more meat — the redder the better.
• Stick with salty snacks such as pretzels and chips.
• Dads-to-be: Stock up on soda, especially cola drinks.

If you want a girl...

• Both partners should eat lots of fish and veggies.
• Give in to your chocolate craving, or just eat sweets in general.

The joy of sex

Quite a few old wives' tales about sex selection involve theories about the best way to make love if you want to influence your baby's gender.
If you want a boy...

• Lie down after sex and stay there for a while. Supposedly that gives the boy sperm a chance to beat the girl sperm to the egg.
• Make love standing up.
• Try the rear-entry position.
• Focus on his pleasure — if the male partner climaxes first, supposedly you're guaranteed a boy.
• Give in to seduction — if the man is the one to suggest some baby-making, you'll get a boy.
• Gals, sleep to the left of your partner.

If you want a girl...

• Give the missionary position a go.
• Make love with the woman on top.
• Focus on her pleasure — if the woman orgasms before her partner, you can decorate your nursery in pink.
• Let her take the lead — if the woman initiates sex, you'll get a girl.

It's all in the timing or direction

In a society where many people still check their daily horoscope for guidance, is it any surprise that superstition and folklore also dictate when to make love if you want to pick your baby's sex?
If you want a boy...

• Make love when there's a quarter moon in the sky.
• Have sex at night.
• Mark your calendar — more boys are conceived on odd days of the month.
• Follow the compass — one BabyCenter parent swears that pointing the woman's head north while making love guarantees a boy.

If you want a girl...

• Do the baby dance when the moon is full.
• Make a date for love in the afternoon.
• Get together on the even days of the month.

Keeping your cool

And we mean both literally and figuratively. According to some stories, being relaxed when you conceive means you'll have a girl. If you're a worrywart, a son's in your future.
But the actual temperature may play a role too. Some say a man's testicles should be cool before you have sex if you want a daughter; for a son, warm them up.
That idea plays into the common belief about boxers versus briefs — go for the tighty-whities if you want a boy, but hang loose if you're aching for a girl.

Just plain way out there

Some sex selection folklore defies categorization. For instance, some say that if the hairline at the base of your last child's neck is a ducktail, your next baby will be a girl. If it's straight across, prepare for a boy. Another story says that the baby's sex is determined by which partner is dominant in the relationship at the time of conception.

Read More

Choosing your baby's sex: What the scientists say

Some parents-to-be secretly hope for one sex over the other. Some even want to tilt the odds in their favor. Learn what scientists say about methods for influencing a baby's sex, and read up on the folk wisdom, too.

Can we choose the sex of our child?

Yes, choosing the sex of your child is technically possible, thanks to advances in fertility treatments that allow doctors to identify male and female embryos. Sex selection is an option for couples who want to avoid passing sex-linked genetic disorders to their children. It also might appeal to parents who have children of one sex and want to have a child of the other sex. (This is sometimes called "family balancing.")
But today's sex-selection options aren't equally effective, affordable, or available. The most accurate sex-selection methods are the most expensive (tens of thousands of dollars) and often mean you have to undergo invasive infertility treatments and take fertility drugs with potential side effects.
If you're serious about trying one of these techniques for family balancing, you'll have to meet strict requirements. At some fertility clinics, you won't be eligible unless you're married and already have at least one child of the opposite sex you're trying for. And some clinics have age limits, but all will run hormone tests to see if you're still fertile.
Keep in mind that Mother Nature has already tipped the odds a bit in favor of boys: According to data from the National Center for Health Statistics, approximately 105 boys are born for every 100 girls.
Read on for more information on how today's sex-selection methods work, whether you may eligible to try them, and how much they cost.

Overview: Infertility treatment and high-tech sex selection

Infertility treatment is one way to try to choose your baby's sex.  Artificial insemination (AI) and in vitro fertilization (IVF) are two types of infertility treatment which can also use sex-selection techniques.
These treatments require you to invest significant time and money, and often mean you have to take fertility drugs. Be sure you understand what's involved before deciding whether high-tech sex selection is right for you.
AI is a type of treatment that places sperm closer to the site of fertilization. There are various AI methods, but intrauterine insemination (IUI) is the most common.
When you have IUI, your doctor uses a thin tube (catheter) to insert sperm directly into your uterus. You may also need to take fertility drugs.
In IVF, fertilization takes place outside your body. (In vitro means "in glass.") IVF starts with a round of fertility drugs to stimulate your ovaries to produce multiple eggs for fertilization, instead of the single egg typically released each month.
When your eggs are ready to be retrieved, a doctor gives you an anesthetic and inserts an ultrasound probe through your vagina to check your ovaries and follicles (the fluid-filled sacs where eggs mature). Then your doctor inserts a thin needle through the vaginal wall to remove the eggs from the follicles.
After that, your eggs are fertilized with sperm in a petri dish. Three to five days later, your doctor places the fertilized eggs – now embryos – in your uterus by inserting a thin tube through your vagina and cervix (the opening to the uterus). The number of embryos inserted depends on your age, the quality of the embryos, and your reproductive history.
As a general rule, if you're younger than 35 and the embryos look healthy, no more than two are transferred.

Preimplantation genetic testing

What it is
Preimplantation genetic testing is a procedure that can be done during IVF to remove one or two cells from an embryo and test them for genetic or chromosomal disorders. There are two types of tests – preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD) and preimplantation genetic screening (PGS). Both can be used to screen embryos for sex, but which test you have depends on the reason you want to choose the sex of your child.
In PGD, parents with serious inheritable genetic disorders can have their embryos tested and reduce their risk of having a child with the same condition. Sometimes it's important to determine the sex of an embryo because certain genetic disorders are sex-linked and mainly affect males.
For example, if a couple is at risk of having a son with Duchenne muscular dystrophy, PGD can identify male embryos with the abnormal gene. Then these would not be implanted in the uterus.
In PGS, embryos from parents who are presumed to have a normal number of chromosomes are tested for chromosomal disorders, such as Down syndrome. PGS can also screen embryos for sex, so some fertility clinics offer this test for nonmedical reasons, including family balancing.
Effectiveness
PGD and PGS are almost 100 percent accurate at determining the sex of the embryo.
How it's done
During an IVF cycle, eggs are fertilized with sperm in a petri dish. A single cell or cells are later removed from each of the resulting 3- to 5-day-old embryos and tested for genetic disorders or a normal set of chromosomes as well as the sex chromosomes X and Y.
In a regular IVF cycle, scientists try to determine which embryos have the best chance of implanting by looking at them under a microscope. But in preimplantation genetic testing, the embryos are tested thoroughly for genetic or chromosomal abnormalities and sex.
By transferring only healthy embryos to the uterus, you're less likely to miscarry or have a child with a genetic disorder. Prenatal tests, such as  amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling (CVS), are still offered if you're 35 or older to check for genetic abnormalities.
For IVF, doctors usually transfer more than one embryo to your uterus – the number depends on your age, the quality of the embryos, and your reproductive history. (If you're 40 or older, typically three to four embryos may be transferred.) But if you have PGD or PGS, doctors usually transfer fewer embryos because they've already weeded out the ones that are unlikely to implant or result in a healthy pregnancy.
Pros

• If you do get pregnant, PGD and PGS ensure with almost 100 percent certainty that you'll have a baby of the sex you desire.
• Following a PGD or PGS cycle, remaining embryos of both sexes can be frozen. These can be used in the future if you miscarry or decide you want more children. Frozen embryos have a success rate similar to fresh transfers, but the procedure is less invasive and significantly cheaper.

Cons

• A single round of IVF with preimplantation genetic testing can cost more than $20,000.
• The procedure is invasive, and having eggs removed from your ovaries can be painful.
• Fertility drugs can have uncomfortable side effects, including weight gain, bloating, swelling, and blurred vision.
• As with any IVF pregnancy, you're more likely to have multiple births. According to the latest statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, out of all infants conceived through IVF (and related procedures involving multiple embryo transfers) about 46 percent were twins or other multiples.  However, the possibility of multiples may be lower with PGD and PGS because in many cases only a single embryo is transferred.
• In women younger than 35, about 46 percent of fresh IVF cycles result in a live birth, and that percentage goes down as you get older. (Most IVF centers report higher success rates with PGD and PGS because abnormal embryos are excluded.)
• You'll need to decide what to do with the unused embryos: freeze, discard, or donate for adoption or research.

Cost

The average cost of a single IVF cycle is $12,400, according to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine. Preimplantation genetic testing adds another $5,000 to $8,000 to the tab. Check with your insurance – part of the expense may be covered.
Availability
Some fertility clinics offer preimplantation genetic testing only for medical reasons, and not for sex selection. Other centers allow you to use PGS to choose the sex of your baby, even if you don't have a medical reason to do so. Call fertility clinics to find out their policy on sex selection.
For more information
Read the American Society for Reproductive Medicine's report on sex selection and recommendations for its use.

Ericsson method

What it is
This technique, named for pioneer Ronald Ericsson, aims to separate faster-swimming, boy-producing sperm from slower-swimming, girl-producing sperm. In theory, the sperm placed directly into your uterus through AI will become the desired sex of your baby.
Effectiveness
Ericsson claims his technique is 78 to 85 percent effective when it comes to choosing boys and 73 to 75 percent effective for selecting girls.
How it's done
First, a sperm sample is poured on a gluey layer of fluid in a test tube. All the sperm naturally swim down, but the boy-producing sperm tend to swim faster and reach the bottom sooner.
Once the fast and slow swimmers are separated, you're inseminated with the sperm that may help you conceive a baby of the sex you desire.
Pros

• Inexpensive compared to higher-tech methods.
• Noninvasive.
• Relatively safe.

Cons

• There's no guarantee of success. Ericsson has published extensively and claims a success rate of approximately 75 to 80 percent. But evaluations of the test haven't been published by other fertility experts or proven independently.
• AI is not as effective as IVF, and it may take many cycles to achieve a pregnancy, depending on your age and fertility.

Cost
Approximately $600 per insemination.
Availability
This technique is available to everyone at clinics in California, Florida, Maine, Michigan, New Jersey, and New York. Look for one in your area.

Overview: At-home techniques

These low-tech methods are noninvasive and affordable, and you can do them in the privacy of your own home. All you need to do is chart your basal body temperature or use an ovulation predictor kit to determine when you ovulate. Then time sex accordingly.
So what's the catch? Their effectiveness is questionable at best.
Shettles method
What it is
Timed intercourse on specific days of your cycle.
Effectiveness
Shettles proponents claim the technique is 75 percent effective for choosing girls and 80 percent for choosing boys, but other experts are doubtful. Keep in mind that you always have about a 50 percent chance of conceiving a child of the sex you want.
How it's done
The theory is that sperm bearing a Y chromosome (for boys) move faster but don't live as long as sperm that carry X chromosomes (for girls). So if you want a boy, the Shettles method contends you should have sex as close as possible to ovulation. If you want a girl, plan to have sex two to four days before you ovulate.
Pros

• Does not require drugs or invasive medical procedures.
• Free or low cost.
• Safe.

Cons

• You must use an ovulation predictor kit to figure out when you're ovulating, or chart your basal body temperature to estimate the best time to have intercourse.
• There's no guarantee of success.

Availability
Anyone can try it at home.
For more information:

What it is
Timed intercourse on specific days of your cycle.
Effectiveness
Elizabeth Whelan claims her technique is 68 percent effective for choosing boys and 56 percent effective for choosing girls, but many experts are doubtful. Keep in mind that you always have a 50 percent chance of conceiving a child of the sex you want.
How it's done
The Whelan method directly contradicts the Shettles method. The theory here is that the biochemical changes that may favor boy-producing sperm occur earlier in a woman's cycle.
So if you want a boy, you should have intercourse four to six days before your basal body temperature goes up. If you want a girl, plan to have sex two to three days before you ovulate.
Pros

• Does not require drugs or invasive medical procedures.
• Free or low cost.
• Safe.

Cons

• You need to take your basal body temperature every day to figure out when you're ovulating, or use an ovulation prediction kit.
• There's no guarantee of success.

Availability
Anyone can try it at home.
For more information:

Sex-selection kits

What it is
These at-home kits are based on the Shettles theory. Separate girl and boy kits include a thermometer, ovulation predictor test sticks, vitamins, herbal extracts, and douches that are supposedly intended to favor a specific sex.
Effectiveness
Kit makers claim a 96 percent success rate, but some medical experts say the manufacturer's claims have no scientific merit.
How it's done
You track your cycle by using the thermometer and urinating on the ovulation predictor test sticks. Following the Shettles method, you have intercourse two to four days before ovulation if you want a girl and as close as possible to ovulation if you want a boy.
The douche is intended to change the vaginal environment to "influence the chances that either an X-carrying sperm or a Y-carrying sperm will be successful in fertilizing the egg." Vitamins and herbal extracts are also included to supposedly boost your odds of getting a child that is the sex of your choice.
Pros

• Does not require invasive medical procedures.
• Convenient.

Cons

• The success rate claimed by the makers is questionable.
• Expensive.

Cost
$199 for a 30-day kit.
Availability
Sex-selection kits are available through GenSelect.
For more information
Learn more about sex-selection kits at GenSelect's Web site.

The bottom line: What do the experts say?

High-tech sex-selection methods have stirred hot debate in the medical community. Some doctors think it's a great way to balance families, while others think we're heading down a dangerous path.
Mark Sauer, a fertility specialist and the program director at the Center for Women's Reproductive Care at Columbia University in New York, thinks that sex selection for family balancing is unethical and has no place in fertility treatments.
"I can't endorse the destruction of normal human embryos because they happened to be of the wrong sex," he says.
Not all fertility doctors agree with Sauer. Although the American Society for Reproductive Medicine officially opposes preimplantation genetic testing for nonmedical reasons, it acknowledges that sex selection shouldn't be condemned in all cases and doesn't favor making it illegal.
Low-tech sex selection has not sparked the same controversy, probably because these methods are far from foolproof, and the assumption is that couples practicing them are investing less – both financially and emotionally – in their success. But do they work?
These techniques range from Shettles and Whelan to folk wisdom (such as making love standing up and eating more meat if you want a boy, and eating lots of chocolate and having sex in the missionary position if you want a girl). The American Society for Reproductive Medicine says there's no evidence any of this can influence the sex of your baby.
"I tell my patients that if they want to try low-tech methods, give them a go," says Brian Acacio, a fertility specialist and medical director of the Sher Institutes of Reproductive Medicine in Los Angeles. "They probably won't hurt, and there's a 50 percent chance they'll work."

Read More

Future fathers: 9 ways to help her get pregnant

You may not find men poring over pre-pregnancy books, stocking up on the right vitamins and minerals, and avoiding hidden dangers that could harm their baby-to-be. But this kind of male nesting behavior should be more commonplace, says F. Sessions Cole, a neonatal specialist and director of the newborn medicine division at St. Louis Children's Hospital in Missouri.
When a couple is trying to get pregnant, "most of the attention is focused on the woman," Cole says, "but men make up half of the equation." If you're thinking about becoming a dad, here's a list of what you can do to ensure a healthy pregnancy before trying to conceive.

Check in with your doctor

Make an appointment to see your doctor, especially if you have a chronic disease, take any medication, or experience problems with erections, ejaculation, or loss of libido.
Get a physical: It's a good idea to have a complete physical exam so your doctor can check for conditions that may affect fertility. Some conditions to watch out for include:

• Varicoceles, which are varicose veins on the scrotum, the sac of skin that contains the testicles. Varicoceles prevent the testicles from cooling normally, which doctors think may lead to fewer, misshapen, or less mobile sperm. Although varicoceles are usually harmless, and no one knows exactly how they're related to infertility, 40 percent of men with fertility problems also have varicoceles. The condition is entirely treatable, so talk to your doctor about the options.
• Sexually transmitted infections (STI), which may cause male infertility. Your doctor can help you get tested and treated.
• Conditions such as prostatitis (inflammation of the prostate) or mumps (which may result in swollen testicles) may lead to infertility. Your primary care doctor can refer you to a urologist or a male fertility specialist if you need additional testing or treatments.

Discuss your medical history: You'll also want to talk to your doctor about your family's medical history. (See "Get in touch with your medical roots," below.) If your ethnic background predisposes you to certain medical conditions, or if you have a family history of birth defects (including genetic or chromosomal disorders, intellectual disability, or other developmental delays), you and your partner should have genetic counseling. This type of counseling helps you find out what risks you face and which screening tests to consider before pregnancy.
Be wary of certain drugs and supplements: Be sure to let your doctor know about everything you're taking, whether it's prescribed or over-the-counter. Certain medications can affect either the quality or quantity of sperm and cause male fertility problems. Such drugs include:

• Any steroid or hormone
• Some high blood pressure drugs
• A few antibiotics
• Some medications used to treat diseases like fungal infections, ulcerative colitis, Crohn's disease, peptic ulcers, and seizures

In most cases, the effect is reversible once you go off the drugs. Talk to your doctor about your plans to become a dad, and find out if you can safely switch to a different medication.
Anabolic steroids, which bodybuilders often use to bulk up, are well studied, and evidence shows they can reduce sperm count and shrink the testicles. Though herbs and supplements may seem harmless, your doctor is the best person to judge whether they can interfere with your ability to father a child.
Find out about potential hazards: Last, ask your doctor about any hazards you may be exposed to on the job or elsewhere. (See "Check your workplace for hazards," below.) Exposure to pesticides, heavy metals, and organic solvents, for example, can affect the quality and quantity of your sperm.
Certain hobbies may expose you to harsh chemicals as well. Refinishing furniture, repairing cars, painting, building models, or any other activity that uses strippers, degreasers, or non-water-based glues and paints can expose you to solvents.
Similarly, making pottery or stained glass windows and handling, shooting, and cleaning guns may expose you to lead or other heavy metals. That doesn't mean you have to drop all your hobbies and take up knitting, just check with your doctor to see what your risk level is.

Get in touch with your medical roots

It's a good idea to find out about your family health history, so call your parents, siblings, or other relatives to get the medical scoop. If they get suspicious and you're not ready to share your news, tell them you're trying out a new healthcare provider.
The most important thing to ask is whether anyone in your family has a genetic or chromosomal disorder, such as Down syndrome, sickle-cell anemia, cystic fibrosis, Tay-Sachs disease, or bleeding disorders.
It's also important to note that some conditions are related to ethnic background. For example, Tay-Sachs is common among Ashkenazi Jews, and sickle-cell anemia occurs more frequently among African Americans than most other ethnic groups.
You'll also want to find out if any relatives have intellectual disability or other developmental delays, or were born with an anatomical birth defect, like a cardiac or neural tube defect. Your partner will need to provide this information at her first preconception or prenatal visit, and your answers can help determine whether any specific prenatal tests are recommended or whether either of you should consider getting tested before you even start trying to conceive.

Stock your fridge with healthy foods

If you thought you could continue mowing down chili dogs and cheese fries while your partner dines on grilled chicken and steamed vegetables, think again. Not only will it be easier for her if you follow the same healthy eating lifestyle, your sperm will be better off, too.
Studies have shown that poor nutrition can affect the quality and quantity of sperm. For example, men with low levels of folic acid – the same B vitamin women need to reduce the risk of neural tube birth defects – were found to have low sperm counts.
You may be able to get the amount you need (400 micrograms a day) from fortified breakfast cereals, leafy greens, legumes, and orange juice. Just to be sure, it can't hurt to take a folic acid supplement or a multivitamin, says Cole. Other fertility experts recommend vitamins that contain antioxidants or amino acids, such as L-arginine, for men with low sperm counts or poor sperm function.
Zinc is another nutrient to keep an eye on. Several studies show that even short-term zinc deficiencies can reduce semen volume and testosterone levels. Plus, research suggests that low levels of this mineral may interfere with the absorption and metabolism of folic acid. Eating meat, seafood, wholegrain cereals, and eggs are great ways to get the 11 milligrams of zinc you need each day, and most multivitamins also contain the mineral.
Some studies suggest that certain antioxidants, such as vitamins C and E, can boost sperm motility. But before you reach for the supplements, check with your doctor. Too much C and E may damage your sperm's DNA. Your best bet is to eat a healthy diet that includes a variety of fruits and vegetables, lean protein, whole grains, and low-fat dairy.
Eating a healthy diet can help you maintain a healthy weight, too. Being overweight has been linked to lower testosterone, poor sperm quality, and reduced fertility. One study found that the odds of infertility increased by 10 percent for every 20 pounds of excess weight.

Just say no to partying

The party's over for your partner once you start trying for a baby, but what about you? Same goes for men, says Cole. Sperm is just as affected by tobacco, alcohol, and drugs as a woman's eggs.
Research suggests that this troublesome trio may lower sperm counts and slow motility. That means you should completely cut out recreational drugs (such as marijuana and cocaine), cut down on alcohol, and quit smoking before you start trying.
Plus, kicking the habit now can help your family later. Secondhand smoke is not only dangerous for your partner it's also dangerous for your children – both in utero and after birth. Even using chewing tobacco has been linked to poor sperm function.
A lowered sperm count isn't the only reason you should cut back on drinking: Research shows that dads who drink the equivalent of two drinks a day during the month before conception have babies who weigh, on average, 6.5 ounces less than other babies. Low birth weight is a serious medical condition that can affect your child's health and behavior for the rest of his life.

Check your workplace for hazards

Other hidden dangers to sperm may be lurking where you work. Regular exposure to pesticides and other chemicals such as organic solvents, which are often found in dry cleaning and auto shops, can make it more difficult to conceive. They also can alter sperm composition, leading to birth defects and premature delivery.
Because it takes three months for sperm to develop and fully mature, limit your exposure to these chemicals at least three months before you and your partner start trying to conceive. Ask your employer for a copy of the Material Safety Data Sheet (MSDS) that details any chemical exposure you have at work. And visit the Centers for Disease Control's website for more information on how to avoid workplace hazards that can harm your reproductive health.

Meet with a financial adviser

Shelling out $20 for cute designer baby booties is just the start of what you'll spend on your little one in years to come. According to a 2010 report from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, families earning between $57,600 and $99,730 will spend about $226,920 to raise a child from birth through age 17 – and that doesn't adjust for inflation.
But never fear: By investing just $50 or $100 a month, you can create a nice nest egg by the time your little one heads off to college. Talk to a financial adviser about how to start saving now.

Buy some boxers

The jury is still out on the boxers versus briefs debate. Some say the testes can get overheated in briefs, inhibiting sperm production. Others say it's really not an issue unless sperm count is already a concern.
Cole points out that if wearing boxers can potentially give you an edge over briefs, why not go with boxers for a few months? It's a fairly simple wardrobe adjustment that could speed things along.

Stay out of the hot tub

Don't use hot tubs, saunas, or hot baths to unwind for up to three months before trying to conceive. Heat kills sperm. And because it can take that long for sperm to regenerate, spending a long time in the hot tub in January means it could be April before you have a full set of swimmers again. Testicles function best when they keep their cool: "The boys" are happiest at 94 to 96 degrees, a couple of degrees cooler than normal body temperature.

Be bike-savvy

Casual cyclists don't need to stress about the studies that found long hours on a hard bike seat can lead to lower semen volume and reduced sperm count and motility. It's the hard-core athlete who spends more than two hours a day, six days a week in the saddle who should take note: All that riding can injure the scrotum and testes, potentially leading to fertility problems.
What's more, wearing bike shorts for hours on end can kill sperm as effectively as soaking in a hot tub. The scrotal area can also get hot and sweaty when it's between the legs and bike seat, and that can lead to lower sperm counts in avid cyclists. Men's testes are outside the body for a reason – they need a cooler environment to function properly.
If you're going to ride, limit your time on the bike, wear loose-fitting shorts, and choose the softest seat available.

Relax

Although the possibility of getting your partner pregnant is wildly exciting, it can also be stressful, especially if conception takes several months. Take time to relax and unwind – go for a swim, shoot some hoops, or take a stroll. Studies haven't concluded that such exercises will boost your conception odds, but it will certainly make the process more pleasant, says psychologist Alice Domar, assistant professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive biology at Harvard Medical School.

Read More

Egg freezing: What you need to know

What is egg freezing?

Freezing your eggs is a way to extend your fertility by harvesting and banking eggs to use when you're older.
This relatively new type of assisted reproductive technology, known to doctors as oocyte cryopreservation, has the potential to give women more options for having children later in life. Since the first baby conceived with a frozen egg was born in 1986, an estimated 1,000 to 2,000 children have been born using the technique.
And interest in freezing eggs is growing: Technological advances have dramatically improved success rates, leading more women to explore egg banking as a means of extending their childbearing years. A recent survey found that half of American fertility clinics offer egg-freezing services, and many more plan to do so soon.
Proponents say that freezing eggs gives women more control over their fertility. But the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) says there isn't enough information yet to recommend freezing eggs to delay motherhood. The ASRM advises paying close attention to a clinic's success rates before going through with the process.

Why would I want to freeze my eggs?

There are three main reasons women consider freezing their eggs:
To buy more time. Most women who freeze their eggs aren't ready to get pregnant. These women want to improve their chances of having children when they are ready, later in life.
Women postpone childbearing for any number of reasons. For example (to name just a few scenarios): They're waiting to have more financial security, they want to finish school, or they're still looking for a suitable partner.
Say you're in your 30s and not ready to have children. If you freeze your eggs now, you can preserve them while they're still viable. Then you can thaw them and use them when you're ready to get pregnant, whether it's in your late 30s, 40s, or even 50s.
To protect fertility during medical treatment. Chemotherapy and radiation treatments for cancer can leave you infertile. If you remove and store some of your eggs before treatment, you may have the option of fertilizing and transferring the eggs to your uterus after recovery.
To avoid discarding embryos during in vitro fertilization (IVF). Extra embryos from IVF are usually frozen and transferred at a later time, or discarded. Egg freezing allows you to fertilize only as many eggs as necessary for IVF and freeze unfertilized eggs for possible later use.

What's the best age to freeze my eggs?

The younger you are when you freeze your eggs, the better. As you age, your eggs age too. The result? Your fertility declines, and the risk of having a baby with chromosomal abnormalities increases. There are other factors in both of these, but older eggs are the main culprit.

How are eggs harvested for egg freezing?

The process is similar to the initial stages of in vitro fertilization and takes two to four weeks. Here's what happens:

• Near the beginning of your menstrual cycle, you take fertility drugs to stimulate your ovaries to produce multiple eggs at once. (Normally your body releases only one egg a month.)
• You visit your clinic or doctor's office every few days for a checkup. Your progress is monitored via ultrasound and by checking your blood hormone levels to determine when the eggs are ready to be removed.
• When your eggs are mature, they're retrieved during an outpatient procedure that takes up to 30 minutes. First you're given an anesthetic. The doctor then withdraws your eggs with a needle inserted through the vaginal wall, using ultrasound for guidance.
• A single harvest typically yields five to 20 eggs.

You can go home after an hour or two, but you should take it easy for at least a day. You may experience cramping for a few days.

How does egg freezing work?

Your eggs are frozen immediately and can be stored indefinitely. The more you freeze, the better your chances of having an egg that survives the process of freezing, thawing, fertilization, and being transferred to your uterus.
When you're ready to try to get pregnant, your eggs are thawed. As with IVF, eggs that survive thawing are combined with sperm in a laboratory to create embryos. The embryos are then placed in your uterus, typically one to four at a time.
You may want to go through the harvesting process a few times to make sure you have enough eggs stored. Experts recommend that a woman who's 33 years old bank about 20 to 25 frozen eggs for a good chance at having a child later. Women older than that should freeze more, because they have fewer healthy eggs to harvest.

What are egg freezing success rates?

Data are very limited, but the few studies available find that anywhere from one-third to nearly two-thirds of fertility treatments using frozen eggs result in pregnancy.
Some things to keep in mind:

• In general, the younger you are when you freeze your eggs and the more you freeze, the better your chances of ending up with a baby. A recent analysis of multiple studies found that a 30-year-old woman who freezes two to six eggs has a 9 to 24 percent chance of having a baby later. That's why women are encouraged to freeze so many eggs.
• Success rates with frozen eggs have improved steadily as technology has improved, but freezing embryos is a better bet if you have the option. Frozen embryos survive the freezing process better, so they're more likely to lead to a successful pregnancy.
• Studies suggest that eggs preserved with a flash-freeze method called vitrification may be more viable than eggs preserved with a more conventional, slow-freeze method.
• Using frozen eggs doesn't appear to increase the risk of birth defects or chromosomal abnormalities.

What's the cost of freezing eggs?

In the United States, the cost of freezing your eggs is comparable to a round of in vitro fertilization.
A single cycle, including harvesting the eggs, can cost $5,000 to $13,000. (Subsequent treatments may cost slightly less.) Medications may tack on about $3,000 more.
You'll also pay an annual fee of roughly $400 to $500 a year to store your eggs. And if you try to get pregnant, you'll pay about $5,000 to thaw and fertilize your eggs and transfer the resulting embryos.
Insurance doesn't cover infertility treatment in most states, and you're especially unlikely to get help paying for an elective procedure. But you might qualify for coverage if you're preparing for cancer treatment. Contact your insurance provider to find out for sure.

Read More

Plan B -- a single mom's decision to go it alone

I'm in my ob-gyn's office, feet in the stirrups. Dr. Bakas peeks up over the paper sheet draped across my knees and pulls his gloves off with a snap. "So? Do you want a cigarette?"

My friend Bev laughs, as does the nurse, but I try not to because I don't want to jiggle or move or do anything to disrupt those tiny little sperm as they make the long journey up through my uterus to my little waiting egg.

They've already had to do a lot of traveling. I bought them from the Scandinavian Cryobank, which shipped them from Denmark. They're from Olaf (not his real name), who's 22 and blond, blue-eyed, and tall.

Olaf (well, his sperm) arrived packed in dry ice a week before I ovulated, so he hung around with me as we waited. He became my dinner companion. I set him up in his large round container on the chair across the table from me. I told him about my day.

A part of me thought it'd be lovely to not have to drink both glasses of wine — and he could have done more than just agree with me all the time. But then I took him into the living room to watch TV, and he didn't complain when I kept changing the channel. We became pals, Olaf and I. We took pictures.

Dr. Bakas hasn't done this before, though he did see the procedure when he was a resident. It's nothing, he said to me when I first talked to him about artificial insemination. We can absolutely do it here.

So now the deed is done. Intrauterine insemination. It has a higher success rate than the vaginal insemination I could have done myself at home. And I'll take any advantage I can get.

"If it's going to happen, it's happening right now, so just lie here for ten minutes. Let the magic begin," Dr. Bakas says, nodding as he and the nurse leave. Bev and I look at each other. Yes, I think, I'm getting pregnant right now.

(I don't know where I got off thinking that way. I knew even then that my chance of getting pregnant through artificial insemination was only 5 to 25 percent per try.)

I'm so excited it's hard to remember how reluctant I was about all this.

For years I had stuck faithfully to another plan.

The Plan

The Plan: Live life. Get married. Have kids. (I was hoping for two, but could have been talked into one or five or 20.)

In grad school at 36, I thought, This is good! But where's the rest? The men? The dating?

At 37, graduated, I turned to my friend Rebecca and said, That's it. I'm getting married.

She had found a wonderful husband by combining hard work, sheer determination, and a little luck. So I did what she did: Yahoo, Match, Nerve. Never mind that I'm shyer than Rebecca, and not nearly so slender, and I don't have her brilliant red hair. Still, I dated up a storm at 37 and 38. I met many nice men. And at 38 I began to settle in with Juan, a screenwriter who was between jobs.

He wanted kids, too — though it became more and more clear that he wanted them later, after he hit it big. I pulled out a BabyGap ad for strength, put it on the floor beside me and told him: We need to break up.

And then one day, watching the high school students in the summer program I run, I thought back to being 16. And I realized, holy smokes, I'm Thirty-Nine and One Half years old.

The kids went back inside to their classes, but I stayed in the sun and twisted a lock of hair around and around my finger. Well, I thought, I haven't asked Steve out yet. I could ask if he wants to go for a drink sometime. I also have a date coming up next week with a friend of a friend of a friend. It's not so bad. Don't panic.

But I was panicking. Because it struck me that even if I did fall in love right then, say with Steve (or the guy next week, it didn't matter), and he fell in love with me, we'd have to wait a year or so to get engaged and then a year to plan the wedding and then, well, he wouldn't be ready to have kids right away...I mean, jeez, I'd be 50 before we could even try for a baby.

I'm going to be alone, single, and childless for the rest of my life, I thought. This isn't the life I imagined when I was 16, sitting around listening to Love, soft as an easy chair and reading those romance novels, one after another.

He was supposed to have rescued me by now. He was supposed to have surrendered to my feminine wiles long ago: my doe eyes, my blonde tresses.

I stood up, fluffed my tresses, and faced the facts with my doe eyes.

He isn't coming.

I am absolutely on my own.

I'd suspected this to be my fate even as I dreamed of the other, more romantic life. When I was a teenager my parents said, "You'd better lose that weight or you're not going to find a boyfriend." And embedded in this warning was the fate-worse-than-death scenario that my mother's sister was living: 40, single, childless.

They shook their heads with pity. Poor Aunty Hanne.

I felt it like a curse on my head. Be thin! Or die alone!

Somewhere deep inside me I knew I'd be there, at the threshold of 40 and alone. I just knew it. And I swore as I watched Hanne get older and older that no matter what, I wouldn't miss out on having a child. Even if I had to go to some random bar and leave with a random guy and ravish him in some random motel. Then disappear.

Plan B

It'd be more dramatic to say that I immediately got on the phone, ordered some sperm, and got on with it. But it took another several months to officially move from The Plan to Plan B. Most especially there was the deep, hollow sadness to be worked through in watching The Plan fail.

Then, of course, there were things like money to be considered. And Rebecca helped me with a dirty little secret fear: Up until then it'd been hard to find a man ...but with a kid in tow, would it be impossible?

Come on, she said. It's not like the old days. Look around you: Over 40, single with a baby, is hardly shocking. Just move on with your life. Do what you want. You have the rest of your life to find a man. This you have to do right now.

Eventually I understood. I am absolutely on my own...for now.

At the doctor's office, after I keep still for ten minutes, Dr. Bakas lets us go. At home I lie on the couch beneath my front room window. The couch where Olaf's sperm lounged for most of the seven days they were with me. I prop my butt up a little and focus on getting pregnant, just in case Dr. Bakas isn't right about the instantaneousness of insemination.

Two days later, while I'm visiting a friend, waves of dizziness almost knock me over. There's a strange pinging deep in my pelvis and — most strangely — an awful metallic taste in my mouth. I know I'm pregnant. I just know I am. It may not stick, but at this moment, I know I am.

It does stick, and my daughter Kaj arrives nine months later, one day after her due date. My miracle first-try baby. Meant to be, my mother says.

Kaj is long and thin — 8 pounds, 9 ounces. She's yanked out of me after 35 hours of labor and a near cesarean (which was most definitely not part of The Plan or even Plan B). But I can tell you this for sure: Epidurals are the miracle of the 20th century, and I have the best obstetrician in the entire world.

Read More

Is parenthood for you?

Posing the question

For some people this is the world's easiest question — they've always been able to see themselves as parents, they have their life set up the way they want it, and they're ready to go. Others go back and forth on this one for years, or feel the need to do a little serious wobbling before taking the plunge. Some just never get the call.
Wherever you are on the spectrum, even if you know you want to do it, you can make a conscious decision about whether to become a parent. And whether you're having trouble deciding whether you want to have a child, or are just wondering whether you're ready to take on this lifelong project, we hope this article will help you get closer to a decision.
One thing's for sure: No one has to have children. The world's not short on people to populate it, and whether to become a parent is completely up to you and whatever hopes and dreams you have for your life.

The hardship factor

Being a parent is really fun, and satisfying in a way you can't fully imagine when you don't have children. And it's really hard work — more work than you can imagine until you've done it.
It's hard because of the sheer volume of demands on your time and energy, with few breaks to refresh and recharge; it's hard because parents almost never have enough time, money, emotional support, training, or preparation to do the job they want to do; it's hard because it puts your own emotional issues squarely in your face as your children inevitably push every button you have; and it's hard because the mistakes you make — and you'll make some, for sure — affect the ones you love the most: your children.
Having a child is a major life change, and because women everywhere bear the major responsibility for raising children, it's a change that in general affects women's lives more than men's. It means adding the way society treats parents (not well) on top of the way society treats women (ditto).
"Parenting — the vitally important job of raising the next generation — is treated economically almost like a hobby," says Patty Wipfler, founder of the Parents Leadership Institute in Palo Alto, California. "Women already don't get enough pay, support, or recognition for their contributions to society, and becoming a parent kind of squares that."
Men as a whole are more involved as parents today than ever before, but the day-to-day housework, meal-making, emotional counseling, childcare, purchasing, and household details and logistics still tend to fall — unpaid — to the woman of the house
That's not to say it's an easy decision for men. Both men and women face unhappy tradeoffs between work and parenthood in modern society, with women usually having to choose parenting to the detriment of work, and men usually having to choose work to the detriment of parenting.
Men's patterns of workaholism, reinforced by most workplaces today, are fueled by a new sense of responsibility for the family. Long hours of work increase the sense of emotional isolation that most men deal with anyway, and many feel frustrated at not being able to be the kind of father they wish they could be.

A reality check

With all the romanticized images of children and parenthood floating around, hardly anyone gets a realistic idea of what it's like to be a parent before they actually become one.
If you never had to carry a 5-pound sack of flour around for a week in junior high, psychologist Harriet Lerner's book The Mother Dance: How Children Change You can serve as an on-paper preview, or you can always get a real-life glimpse by caring for a friend's or relative's baby overnight. Or try assuming you've made the decision to have a child and then spend a week thinking about how that makes you feel and all the ways your life would change; then assume you've decided not to have one and live with that for a week.
Parenthood isn't for everyone. Maybe you've never wanted children; maybe you have other ambitions for yourself that caring for children would make impossible.
"We are this wonderfully creative species," says Mindy Toomay, a fiction and cooking writer and teacher who is entirely comfortable with her decision not to have children. "But so many people never explore their creative or spiritual potential because family demands get in the way. For me it felt like it would be an impediment — it has been for a lot of people I know, particularly women." And certainly there are instances of people becoming parents and then regretting their decision.
Then again, some people are surprised by how much they like being a parent. "I did catering during high school so I wouldn't have to babysit," says Sally Webb, now the mother of two small boys. "But I found I really love being a mom."
Most people, especially women, are brought up to expect that they'll be parents. From baby dolls to baby showers, girls and women are surrounded by images and expectations from parents, peers, religion, advertising, and the media. But the decision to be a parent is not up to your mother, your father, your friends, your church, or even any expectations you might have grown up with. It's your life, and it's up to you.

Are you ready to have a baby?

The following series of questions, developed by our staff with help from San Francisco psychotherapists Ann Davidman and Denise Carlini, is designed for you to discuss with your partner or a friend, mull over on your own, write about in your journal, take to your therapist — whatever helps you take a good look at them.
If you would be having a child with a partner, show these questions to your partner and see whether you would be comfortable with his or her answers. The questions are meant to be answered by both men and women.
Davidman leads support groups for men and women called "Motherhood: Is It for Me?" and "Fatherhood: Is It for Me?" to help people get closer to making this important decision. (For more information, call 510-595-4629 or visit Davidman's website.)
"A lot of our work is helping people to understand their ambivalence so they can move on to the next step of making a decision," says Davidman. "We've found that ambivalence can be a result of emotional issues the person isn't completely aware of, such as unresolved grief."
They suggest you start by asking, "What do you want for you?" – regardless of your current situation, regardless of what you might have to go through to get what you want, such as finding a partner if you want one.
If you think you might want a child, don't even ask yourself at this point how that will come about, whether biologically, through adoption, or whatever. Just concentrate on your personal wishes and desires.

• Do you spend time with children? Do you enjoy it?
• What did you enjoy about being a child? What didn't you enjoy?
• What did you appreciate about the parenting you received? What didn't go well?
• What messages did you get about what a parent is supposed to be?
• How do you feel as you answer these questions?

Read More

How long should I wait before conceiving again after a c-section?

As a general rule, you should probably hold off on trying to conceive again for 18 to 23 months — about the same waiting period recommended for women who deliver vaginally.

That may seem like a long time, but you've just had major surgery in addition to giving birth and you need to let your body recover and replenish lost nutrients. For instance, you may be anemic because of the iron transferred to your baby and placenta during pregnancy, as well as the blood loss you suffered during childbirth. Women who deliver via c-section lose twice as much blood — about two pints on average — as women who deliver vaginally.

Studies have also shown that women who conceive less than six months after giving birth may have a higher risk for complications such as a ruptured uterus or a premature or low-birth weight baby. You'll need some time to adjust to your new life as a parent, too, before you add another baby into the mix. By giving yourself plenty of time to heal and to get acclimated to parenthood, you'll give your next baby the best start in life.

That said, if you do get pregnant less than 18 months after a c-section, don't panic. Taking at least an 18-month break between births is a guideline designed to reduce your risk of complications, but many women get pregnant sooner and do just fine.

In fact, if you're in your late 30s, it might make more sense to begin trying to conceive nine to 12 months after having a c-section. It's not uncommon for women over 35 to have trouble getting pregnant with the second baby, and the risk of having difficulty conceiving increases with age. The best time to get pregnant again can differ from woman to woman, so talk to your healthcare provider about your specific circumstances.

Read More

Could one child be enough for you?

For most families, one isn't enough. The average American woman will have two children (the official census statistic is 1.86 children). But some refreshingly honest parents admit that the decision to have a second child is often based largely on what's best for the first child, not what's right for Mom and Dad. Many people believe children need siblings for companionship and so they don't grow up spoiled. Parents who buck that trend to raise only children face the stigma of selfishness.

"That's a terrible reason to have a second child," says Sylvia H., a jewelry designer and mother of 6-year-old Nick. "I've just never had the urge for another one. And Nick is such a great kid. He's a good sleeper, he has a great disposition, and he's smart. My attitude is Quit while you're ahead. Plus, we like our lifestyle now. It's manageable. That's a difficult thing to say because there aren't many people who feel the same way. Outsiders think we're being selfish." As for the playmate issue, Sylvia says Nick has plenty of interaction with friends, cousins, and classmates. And for those who think Sylvia doesn't know the joys of siblings, consider that she's one of five and they're all still very close.

Read More

Are you ready for another one?

 
No one can answer that question but you, and there's a lot to consider. Your decision will include a lot of planning and effort on your part, such as when to stop using birth control, how much time to take off work, and figuring out if you can still afford childcare.
Some say it's even harder than deciding whether to have a first child – because you're not just talking about having a baby, you're talking about changing a family.
With each new child, you have to think about how that baby will affect your lifestyle, finances, work, relationships, and, of course, your other kids. And if you listen to the word on the street, growing your family by one could more than double the work for you.
Of course, just about everyone – from doctors and scientists to your friends and neighbors – has an opinion on perfect baby timing and the perfect family size. Weigh the pros and cons and then make your own decision.

Here are some things to consider before you welcome a new baby into your life.

When is the best time to have another?

Some favor waiting several years or longer. That way, your other kids will have plenty of time with you and can understand and even talk about the effect another child might have. Others say that having your children close together ensures they'll be playmates for life – and that you won't be raising small children for the rest of your life.
Here's what some BabyCenter moms have to say:

• "My two boys are three and a half years apart, and I think that spacing is great," says Susan, an executive at a publishing company. "Since my older son was out of diapers by the time the younger one was born, I could fall in love with the idea of having a baby again. And they're clearly in different social and developmental arenas, so I don't see a lot of sibling rivalry. They really enjoy each other."
• My three oldest children are about a year and a half apart, and though it was tough when they were all babies, in many ways it was great," says Barbara, a geriatric therapist. "They really amused each other and have stayed very close. I'm one of four children myself and I really wanted to re-create that big family feeling."
• "My first two are three and a half years apart. That gave me time with the firstborn alone," says Janet, an advertising copywriter who is pregnant with her third child. "I think the older the child, the better, because they're that much more independent and can mentally and emotionally handle the baby. In some ways I wish there was a bigger age gap between my second child and the new baby – they're only two years apart. I'm dreading having two in diapers at the same time. And I'm worried about the physical challenge of having two who need so much time."

What does the research say?

In terms of the children's relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, Jeannie Kidwell, a professor of family studies at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville, says the best time is either when your first is under 1 year old or over 4 years old. Children under 1 don't have a sense of their exclusive status yet so they're less apt to resent a newcomer, she says, and those over 4 have had time to enjoy attention from Mommy and Daddy – plus, they now have a life of their own.
When it comes to the health of your baby, waiting two or three years before you get pregnant again may tip the odds somewhat in your baby's favor.
Studies have found that getting pregnant within a year and a half of the birth of your first child can make it more likely that your second child will be born early, will be born underweight, or will be smaller than usual for the number of months he was in the womb.
One study of second children born over a ten-year period in California found that babies were three times more likely to be diagnosed with autism if the mom got pregnant within a year of giving birth to the first child. The risk of autism dropped quite a bit after that first year, though the odds remained a little higher for babies who were conceived less than three years after the baby's older sibling was born. (Autism affects about 1 in 180 U.S. children, and most experts agree the risks are associated with genes.)
So waiting longer is the way to go, right? The answer is maybe.
It turns out that waiting more than five years to have your second child is less than ideal, too. Some studies show that low birth weight, preterm birth, and smaller size are more likely in babies whose moms let five years or more pass before they get pregnant.
If all this sounds confusing, let's put it in perspective. Researchers don't know for sure why waiting only a short time – or more than five years – between pregnancies raises certain risks, but they have some ideas.
One is that the mother's body needs time to replenish vitamins and nutrients before giving birth again. So whether you're pregnant, plan to become pregnant, or want to wait, see your doctor early to get the right care and advice, eat a balanced diet, and keep your body as healthy as you can.

What else should I consider when making the decision?

Science doesn't dictate all the choices we make, of course, especially the ones that involve love and desire. So here are some other issues to take into account:
How will another child change your lifestyle?
Are you settled into a nice routine with your other children? Do you have a good childcare system set up? Is everyone else finally sleeping through the night? Perhaps you've gotten to the point where you and your partner have time for each other again. Maybe you've gone back to work and you love it.
These are all important factors when you're thinking of having another. Remember, a newborn will take over your life. Consider whether you have the time and energy an infant requires, and whether your children are ready to deal with the reality of a baby in the house. You may end up deciding that one is enough.
What's your financial situation?
Money isn't everything, but it certainly comes in handy when you're raising a family. Given that each child can cost more than $10,000 a year to feed, clothe, house, and keep healthy, according to the latest government estimates (and that's a conservative number for many parts of the country), it's a good idea to have a little extra in your monthly budget before you conceive another child.
It's important to consider your work situation, too. Many women find it harder to keep up with full- or part-time work once the second or third child comes along. Can you afford to quit work if that seems best or to pay for the new baby's childcare if you keep your job?
"My daughter is almost 4, and we haven't had another yet because we're worried about affording everything," says Stephanie, a college lecturer. "We didn't have much money when we had our first, so we know what it's like not to have the resources to pay for things. That's why we want to be better prepared for the next one. Money is a huge consideration because of childcare costs. The other big thing is career. I stayed with my daughter her whole first year. I would like to do that with the second child, too. We want another – we're just not sure when. It already feels a little late to me."
How old are you?
Unfortunately, parental age matters, especially for women. If you're 38 and you want two more children, you probably don't have the luxury of spacing them three years apart. But if you're under 30 and don't have any health problems that could make conception difficult, you can be a little more flexible. (Learn more about your chances of getting pregnant at different ages.)
Talk about the age question with your partner: Many people have a vision of how old they want to be when they're finished having children.
Do you and your partner agree?
Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn't. It's hard to be in sync all the time. This can be a tricky one to settle, but the first step is to start talking about your differences.
Sit down together and discuss your points of view. You may not resolve anything right away, but you'll have a better understanding of the issues. It might help to talk to others in this situation, too.
What does your heart say?
Sure, you can sit down with a big legal pad and run through the pluses and minuses. But this is one of those decisions that's led by the heart, so go ahead and follow yours. If you want another baby, and your partner (if you have one) does too, there may be no time like the present.

Read More

Can I get pregnant while breastfeeding?

Yes. In general, you're less fertile, but not infertile, while breastfeeding. Although you may not menstruate for months after giving birth, your body usually releases its first postpartum egg before you get your first period. So you won't know you've ovulated until two weeks later — when you menstruate.

If you know you don't want to get pregnant while nursing, begin using birth control as soon as you start having sex again. Many doctors recommend barrier methods such as condoms or a diaphragm, but some think the newer low-dose oral contraceptives are safe to use while breastfeeding and pose no harm to your baby. Ask your doctor about the "mini-pill," which doesn't contain estrogen, a hormone that can interfere with lactation, only progestin.

That said, if you're breastfeeding your baby exclusively, day and night, you may not menstruate again for a year or even longer after giving birth. If your baby sleeps through the night at an early age, your period probably will return more quickly — typically in three to eight months. The same is true if you're supplementing with formula.

In other words, the more often your baby nurses, the longer it may be before you get your period again. Experts believe this is because breastfeeding curbs the hormones that trigger ovulation. But remember, you could start ovulating again at any time after three months of lactation, and you probably won't know when it happens. If you want to make sure you don't get pregnant, use some form of birth control every time you have sex.

Read More

Pregnancy symptoms: Top 10 early signs

 

Early signs of pregnancy

Could you be pregnant? Some symptoms may show up about the time you've missed a period – or a week or two later. In fact, 7 out of 10 women have symptoms by the time they're six weeks pregnant.
If you're not keeping track of your menstrual cycle or if it varies widely from one month to the next, you may not be sure when to expect your period. But if you start to experience some of the symptoms below – not all women get them all – and you're wondering why you haven't gotten your period, you may very well be pregnant. Take a home pregnancy test to find out for sure!
If you are pregnant, visit our Newly Pregnant area for a quick overview of what's in store.

10. Food aversions

If you're newly pregnant, it's not uncommon to feel repelled by the smell of a bologna sandwich or a cup of coffee, and for certain aromas to trigger your gag reflex. Though no one knows for sure, this may be a side effect of rapidly increasing amounts of estrogen in your system. You may also find that certain foods you used to enjoy are suddenly completely repulsive to you.

9. Mood swings

It's common to have mood swings during pregnancy, partly because of hormonal changes that affect your levels of neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain). Everyone responds differently to these changes. Some moms-to-be experience heightened emotions, both good and bad; others feel more depressed or anxious.
Note: If you've been feeling sad or hopeless or unable to cope with your daily responsibilities, or you're having thoughts of harming yourself, call your healthcare provider or a mental health professional right away.

8. Abdominal bloating

Hormonal changes in early pregnancy may leave you feeling bloated, similar to the feeling some women have just before their period. That's why your clothes may feel more snug than usual at the waistline, even early on when your uterus is still quite small.

7. Frequent urination

Shortly after you become pregnant, hormonal changes prompt a chain of events that raise the rate of blood flow through your kidneys. This causes your bladder to fill more quickly, so you need to pee more often. This symptom may start as early as six weeks into your first trimester.
Frequent urination will continue – or intensify – as your pregnancy progresses. Your blood volume rises dramatically during pregnancy, which leads to extra fluid being processed and ending up in your bladder. The problem is compounded as your growing baby exerts more pressure on your bladder.

6. Fatigue

Feeling tired all of a sudden? No, make that exhausted. No one knows for sure what causes early pregnancy fatigue, but it's possible that rapidly increasing levels of the hormone progesterone are contributing to your sleepiness. Of course, morning sickness and having to urinate frequently during the night can add to your sluggishness, too.
You should start to feel more energetic once you hit your second trimester, although fatigue usually returns late in pregnancy when you're carrying around a lot more weight and some of the common discomforts of pregnancy make it more difficult to get a good night's sleep.

5. Tender, swollen breasts

One of the early signs of pregnancy is sensitive, sore breasts caused by rising levels of hormones. The soreness and swelling may feel like an exaggerated version of how your breasts feel before your period. Your discomfort should diminish significantly after the first trimester, as your body adjusts to the hormonal changes.

4. Nausea

For some women, morning sickness doesn't hit until about a month after conception, though for others it may start a week or two earlier. And not just in the morning, either: Pregnancy-related nausea (with or without vomiting) can be a problem morning, noon, or night.
About half of pregnant women with nausea feel complete relief by the beginning of the second trimester. For most others it takes another month or so for the queasiness to ease up. A lucky few escape it altogether.

3. A missed period

If you're usually pretty regular and your period doesn't arrive on time, you may decide to do a pregnancy test before you notice any of the above symptoms. But if you're not regular or you're not keeping track of your cycle, nausea and breast tenderness and extra trips to the bathroom may signal pregnancy before you realize you didn't get your period.

2. Your basal body temperature stays high

If you've been charting your basal body temperature and you see that your temperature has stayed elevated for 18 days in a row, you're probably pregnant.
And finally ...

1. The proof: A positive home pregnancy test

In spite of what you might read on the box, many home pregnancy tests are not sensitive enough to reliably detect pregnancy until about a week after a missed period. So if you decide to take a test earlier than that and get a negative result, try again in a few days. Remember that a baby starts to develop before you can tell you're pregnant, so take care of your health while you're waiting to find out.
Once you've gotten a positive result, make an appointment with your practitioner. Now head over to our pregnancy area. Also, don't forget to update your profile and sign up for our My Baby This Week newsletter. Congratulations!

Read More